Are you a jealous person? These are the traits that define your personality

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Are you a jealous person?


Mistrust, suspicions, excessive control... yes, we are talking about jealousy. And we want to start from a fact: being jealous does not mean that you love someone more. "Loving means respect and acceptance of the other person, which is incompatible with the behavior of jealousy that invades the rights of other people," explains Pilar Conde, technical director of Clínicas Origen, for whom the irruption of jealousy in a relationship can negatively affect in such a way that it leads to a breakup. A jealous person is afraid of losing his partner and abandoning him, with or without a reason, but in both cases, jealousy makes him interpret reality under the prism of insecurity and fear.

In the expert's opinion, the imagination gradually begins to overlap with the facts and it is then that suspicions give rise to insistent questions, surveillance of the cell phone, its social networks, and other private areas. Even if this 'detective' work proves that your partner is not unfaithful, if jealousy is obsessive, nothing will matter. On the contrary, you may think that any detail, clue, or call will corroborate your suspicions.

Jealousy in any type of relationship

jealousy is expressed through a wide range of emotions associated with fear, anger, sadness... and excessive and irrational concern in the face of a perceived threatening situation (whether real or imagined) of the loss of a limited resource. "there is A wide range of human emotions change a person's psychology, leading to the perception of behaviors such as possessive, irritable, defensive, competitive, controlling, blaming the other for their actions, etc. ", he explains.

And we must not forget that “jealousy usually occurs in relationships between spouses, but it can also appear in personal relationships for example (siblings, friends, parents, partners ...)”, says the expert.

How to identify a jealous person?

Within the couple's relationships, the behaviors derived from jealousy are frequently normalized, confusing them as a sign of romantic love, when in reality the experts point out that we could even say that it is a type of violence. That is why it is important to distinguish some of the personality traits of someone who feels jealousy and behaves in a pathological way, among which the following stand out:

  • When your partner distrusts you by asking excessively about what you do or say.
  • You want to control everything you do with insistent actions (know who you talk to, what you talk about, how you dress, check your mobile...).
  • You are convinced that your jealousy is justified.
  • He is emotionally blackmailing or pressuring you when you decide to enjoy other people's company or make your own plans.
  • He imposes his vision of reality with a dominant attitude.
  • It criticizes your decisions, humiliates, scolds, and/or devalues you.
  • Try to change your image, your preferences, concerns...
  • It shows sudden reactions to anger.

People who suffer a lot psychologically

In Pilar Conde's opinion, the jealous person "will always find reasons where there are none and will always find evidence to confirm his worst fears. However, the problem is not in the other, but in his interior, in the lack of self-esteem and confidence in his possibilities. By not valuing yourself, you do not understand why your partner might love you. First, he mistrusts, then he suspects".

In his opinion, these people suffer a lot of psychological and even present physical pain, together with anxiety, which prevents them from enjoying not only love but even life in general. That is why Pilar Conde recommends professional help for these people because therapy with an expert can make them see where the problem lies. And she makes a special call to parents of teenagers to be aware of this type of behavior in their children. If they detect problems of jealousy, it is advisable to consult a psychologist, since it is at this age that the guidelines for future relationships are established.

Are you a jealous person?


Can jealousy be overcome?

For all those who suffer from jealousy, Pilar Conde leaves five tips with which to control it and begin to overcome it:

Start by loving yourself. It is important to value your virtues and strengths, to seek out hobbies, and to set goals for yourself. Think that before you met your partner you had the same value as a person.

Communicate with your partner. We're all glued to the screen, but we need to talk. Express yourself and tell him/her how you feel at certain times. Between the two of you, you can look for a solution that helps you control your fear, without your partner having to change to avoid your fears.

Respect their space. We all need time for ourselves. Trying to get him to devote all his time to you will not avoid a possible deception and will generate oppression.

Do not compare this relationship with previous ones. We can all have a past but think that if you have lived a deception in a previous relationship, the same does not have to happen now.

Avoid negative thoughts. As we have mentioned, jealousy is often unrealistic and born from our own imagination. Try to discern and not allow these thoughts to lead to jealousy.

Stay calm. When you have a jealousy attack (it's not easy to change your attitude at first), breathe and wait for it to pass. Before talking to your partner and reproaching him/her for any act, try to lower the degree of your anger and nervousness. Don't let it go any further.

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