Perfection in the relationship


Many people are looking for perfection in their relationship.

It is an ideal shared by many people, it is about achieving perfection in a loving relationship. However, it is also the cause of many frustrations on an emotional level. It is clear that an ideal remains an ideal. In other words, it is something that belongs to the realm of ideas and not to real life.

To speak of perfection in a relationship, or in any other area of life for that matter, implies not understanding the human aspect of relationships or knowing ourselves. The human being remains a great contradiction. It is both a difficult and conflicting subject. It is so. It cannot even be otherwise because we are not programmed to act like machines. In fact, machines themselves are not perfect.

Unfortunately, our culture wants romantic love to be a totally perfect, ideal moment in life. This leaves little room for a reason. At one end of the spectrum are those who aspire to perfection in the relationship. At the other extreme are those who think that love is a ridiculous invention. The latter then display a generally cynical behavior.

perfect relationship

The ideal of perfection in a relationship

The desire for perfection is born out of an unacknowledged anguish. This anguish appears when one wants to have things under control. It also appears when we try in vain to subject others to our own conditions. Finally, this anguish can also be felt when "the other" is perceived as a problem, as a useless obstacle.

Ultimately, this perfectionism is due to our intolerance of uncertainty and contradiction. The problem is that human beings are particularly uncertain and contradictory. We really never fully adapt to reality and we often act inconsistently.

Within sentimental relationships, this ideal of perfection has put forward a particularly revealing fantasy. That of creating the ideal partner. It may seem silly, but this desire nevertheless has its place in our culture. Efforts are already underway to achieve this. In the near future, it will certainly be possible to "order" the partner of your dreams on the internet.

Eternal children?

We tend to categorize those who seek perfection in love as profoundly self-centered people. These people are also not very predisposed when it comes to dealing with conflict. In the end, they act a bit like grown children when they try to make reality obey their wishes. They believe that what they want is "perfect" while everything else is "imperfect".

Because of his or her lack of maturity, a child cannot fully grasp that there is a whole world beyond himself or herself. The very principle of otherness, that is, the concept of "the other", "the different" who deserves as much respect as his own person, is totally foreign to him. Jean Piaget, in his studies on moral development, maintained that it was only when these concepts were understood by the child that intellectual and emotional maturation could be considered complete.

The very fact of discovering that we are not perfect and that others are not perfect either implies the renunciation of the ideal of eternal happiness with which fairy tales end. We never live happily ever after, and it's actually better that way. It is indeed thanks to difficulties and contradictions that we evolve and grow.

Between perfection and frustration

Perfection in a relationship implies finding someone who has all the necessary attributes so as not to generate contradictions or frustrations. In fact, this person would do nothing but bring us happiness. In this regard, there is a story that illustrates this idyllic situation quite well.

It is said that a man went on a long journey in search of the perfect partner. After a few years, he returned, but alone. His friends asked him what had happened. The man replied that in a faraway country he had found an almost perfect woman. She was beautiful and spiritual, but not down-to-earth enough. So he had discarded her.

Elsewhere, he had found a spiritual woman who was also down-to-earth enough. However, she was not beautiful. That is why he had also discarded her. He finally found the one who seemed to have all the qualities: the perfect woman. "And why didn't you marry her? they asked him. He replied that she was also obsessed with the search for the perfect man.

Engaging in the world of ideals only leads to frustration. Love within the couple, like any other form of love, becomes precisely an exquisite reality when we love the other and the latter loves us equally despite imperfections. This is true magic.