6 reasons why women divorce, according to couple therapists


DIVORCE - For women considering divorce, therapy is often the ultimate attempt to save their marriage. In many cases, the husband has not realized the marital problems, notes Christine Wilke, a therapist based in Easton, Pennsylvania.

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"So good communication skills are fundamental to a healthy relationship," she told the Huffington Post. "There are so many women who feel they are not seen, not heard, not approved in their relationships..."

They feel that their husbands do not make any effort and that they are almost alone in the relationship.

For a marriage to work, both spouses must participate. This requires attention, effort, willingness, and good communication. Many women take stock of everything they do for their families and wonder where their husbands have gone," says Kristin Davin, a New York psychologist and mediator.

"These women feel like they're carrying the weight of the couple on their shoulders. They do most of the emotional work and always have to find new things to do to maintain the relationship. Frustration sets in when the attention they receive in return is not equal (or nearly equivalent). After a while they say, 'What's the point?'"

The same argument keeps coming up over and over again

Many couples who participate in marriage therapy have been arguing about the same thing for years. When their needs aren't being met, resentment builds up, which is fatal to a relationship, says Olga Bloch, a couple and family therapist based in Rockville, Maryland.

"When a woman feels she can't bring about change, you start hearing things like 'You never listen to me' or 'Your apology is worthless,'" says Bloch. "It's especially difficult if the problem is addiction-related. Eventually the woman leaves the relationship and looks for a way out because she has no other choice."

Their sex life doesn't satisfy them

For most couples, sex is a good barometer of the health of the marriage. When a woman complains about her sex life, it's often because there are other problems outside the bedroom," says Davin.

"Women who are in frustrating marriages, sexually speaking, feel exhausted and in emotional demand," she says. "Sometimes the problem is whether the couple can show affection to each other without it always leading to sex. Sexual intimacy can easily become a problem that pits partners against each other within marriage."

The exchanges and emotional closeness with their husbands are no longer the same.

Many women who have been married for a long time start divorce proceedings because they no longer feel emotionally attached to their husbands, Wilke says.

"Actually, it's the main reason women get divorced," she says. "The vulnerability created by this problem can lead to an extramarital affair in the unhappy wife who seeks that lost connection elsewhere."

They've matured faster than their partner

Inevitably, people evolve as individuals during the course of a love relationship. It only becomes a real problem when they drift apart and one partner is resistant to the idea of having to reconnect with the other," says Anne Crowley, a psychologist based in Austin, Texas.

"Over time, a marriage changes and evolves. It's not uncommon to hear a wife say to her husband, 'I feel like I've matured faster than you have,' especially if they have children," she says. "Often, the wife has encouraged her husband to go to therapy to bridge the gap between them. If he doesn't, it creates an impasse for the couple: the wife doesn't want to keep repeating the same unhealthy patterns while the husband wants to maintain the status quo."

They get to the point where divorce is the only way to think of them first

Long-term problems such as addiction or uncontrollable anger often push women over the edge, says Winifred Reilly, a marriage and family therapist based in Berkeley, California.

"What I keep hearing is that they'd rather send their marriage than put up with their husband and his problems that don't get any better, another day, another week, or another year."

top reasons for divorce

After putting up with their husbands' behavior for so long, many women realize that they do not deserve to live with tension and disappointment on a daily basis.

"Sometimes, despite their love, commitment, and all their efforts to stay married, people simply reach a point of no return and decide to separate," she concludes.